I went to a pretty intense Engineering School and boy did I get my ass kicked. My classmates were all geniuses who can spit out machine learning codes in their sleep. Young Lena, with her ADHD tendencies coupled with incredibly poor math skills struggled big time in school.
But it didn’t have to be this way had I been honest with myself and selected another path – journalism school.
I came to realize that from the time we entered grade school all the way to our adult life we repeatedly put on a fake persona.
Why do we try so hard to be something we’re not?
Fear.
When I was selecting programs, I was simply going with the popular route, the one that seemingly guaranteed a brighter future. Conforming to the norm. But more importantly, afraid of being left out, left behind, ignored, or cast aside. FOMO is so real.
Deep inside we know who we are and who we aren’t. I simply wasn’t cut out to be a machine learning engineer.
We can get by faking it for a surprisingly long period of time.
Despite my comparatively lower competency, I’ve managed to land at Big Tech in Silicon Valley, validation for a good enough engineer - I guess.
But sooner or later we have to face the truth that the person we’ve attempted to be all these years isn’t who we really are.
Instead, double down on your authentic unique strengths.
This might sound cliche but what does it truly entail to double down on your strengths? And how do you even find out what that strength is?
To me it boils down to motivation.
To get out of the rut and make the leap I had to ask myself:
What do I really want? What work would I do for free? AND what work could I do, that I was skilled at, in order to get paid to do it. I do like nice things.
I really began to internalize the two types of motivation:
Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation
EXTRINSIC:
Meaning it comes from outside yourself. For example, I don’t always like wearing makeup but I do it because I want to get compliments (from others). Or I don’t want to do calculus homework, but I need the grade to pass the class.
INTRINSIC:
It comes from inside of you. No matter what I will write, because I love writing. I will always connect with people to share what little knowledge I have. Because if people hadn’t done that with me, I’d never have gotten here. Whether I get paid or not, doesn’t matter to me. I don’t need a carrot and I surely don’t need a stick.
The problem is we keep thinking with our extrinsic mind.
We keep getting bogged down by FOMO.
But that’s the problem with outside motivation, it’s fleeting, it’s slippery. That’s why successful people say “Money doesn’t buy happiness.”
That said, having enough money to cover your basic needs is still necessary – just ask Maslow hehe.
Maslow's Law of Hierarchy
It’s just that at a certain point earning more or getting more As isn’t enough.
You need to be driven internally and even further — with a purpose.
Because at the end of the day, you are not just your grades and test scores (external validations)...
You are your passion and potential.
PS. Confidence in your general path starts with gaining clarity (about yourself and the world around us).
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